On Balance

cairn

The following is an excerpt from an email I recently sent to a friend.  She found it particularly “share-worthy” and its at her urging that I’ve posted it below… perhaps we could all use a little reminder to stop and look around at what exactly we’re doing with our time.

Like you, I work on balance.  We may be struggling with it from different angles, but it’s still a struggle.  Mostly I’m good, but sometimes I teeter and November is a teetering month…simply so much going on.  It’s all wonderful stuff but I feel a bit like I’m at an amazing buffet holding only a dessert plate and wanting to taste every single thing stretched out before me.  My struggle?…remembering that I can come back for seconds and I don’t have to try to cram it all onto that one tiny plate…the restaurant isn’t closing any time soon.  I want to write, and paint walls and doors, get my hands dirty making art, tend to my beautiful backyard and prepare it for the change in season, to breathe in the crisp scent of fallen leaves as I hike through our woods, to jump in the car and go get my daughter and bring her home and spend days cuddling and laughing and going on adventures with her, to decorate my home for the holidays and prepare the Thanksgiving feast for family and friends, to celebrate my husband’s and sister’s birthdays with sincere and carefree joy, to see the handful of interesting movies that all seem to have been released at the same time…and so very much more!  So…I struggle and paddle hard for a few minutes then stop and breathe and remind myself it’s not a race to the finish…I have time…not endless time, but time to make mindful choices and time to immerse and appreciate and savor.  Rushing ruins everything.  As long as I’m making mindful choices and fully engaging while I do the thing I’ve chosen, then I’m not wasting any of this life.  So…I let go of the idea that everything needs to be in its place and happen in order and when I’m fully ready…I’m never fully ready…and I finally know deep down in my bones that I’m not supposed to be…that life is supposed to be messy in so many odd ways and it’s up to me not to waste it trying to tidy it up and fit it into a box to be checked off of my list.  And so every day I choose, and remind myself that it is the act of consciously making the choice that is the antidote to regret.  If I find myself lamenting something left undone, I remind myself of what I did instead, the choice I made and the reason I made it and the regret climbs back into its deep dark hole and out of sight.  It’s not perfect, I’m not perfect…I still catch myself rushing through life now and again or wondering how I’m going to get it all done.  But more often than not, I catch myself and accept that I won’t (get it all done) and so I better just figure out what it is I really want and adjust accordingly.  I’ll be really good at this by the time I’m dead.


© Kelly Rainey and 500wordsandcounting.wordpress.com, 2015.  


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